Grief

It is important to know that even when the decision to euthanize a beloved pet has been made with great care, for the right reasons and in the right way, waves of emotion are likely to resurface in the days and weeks following the procedure. The loss of a pet creates an emptiness, and the grief it brings is often minimized. Because many people feel embarrassed to talk about it with others out of fear of being judged, their distress and suffering can increase. Yet, your pet was part of your daily life and your family. They were there unconditionally, no matter what you were going through. They were a living, loving presence, purring or wagging with joy when you came home, and you cared for them, often for many years. It is only natural that their death or disappearance leaves a painful void.

« Losing our pet often means losing a piece of our heart. » (France Carlos, Deuil animalier).

Whether it is through the support of a caring, non-judgmental friend, joining a support group, or seeking therapy, there are ways to find help in coping with the loss of a pet. Do not hesitate to reach out if you feel the need. It is important to listen to your emotions, take the time to process them, and allow yourself to grieve in the healthiest way possible.

To better understand and navigate this difficult experience, an article published in Châtelaine magazine in 2011 shares valuable insights. Pet grief specialist France Carlos addresses several aspects of this type of mourning.

Can we really call it grief when it involves an animal?

Any loss can bring grief, more or less intense, depending on the significance of what was lost. Losing a pet you loved for years, who gave you unconditional and often comforting affection, creates an absence, a sense of longing, and a whole range of emotions that are part of the grieving process.

What are the stages of grief?

• Denial. This stage can last from 30 seconds to a week, during which one refuses to accept reality, hopes the pet will come back, or believes it must be a mistake.
• Emotion. Anger, sadness, and loneliness are all emotions of grief. But in the case of pet loss, guilt is almost always present. Those who had their pet euthanized often feel guilty for making that choice. If the pet went missing or had an accident, owners may blame themselves for not watching closely enough. It is important to put things in perspective, validate the decision, and remember the care and love given. Guilt often serves as a veil over sadness that feels too painful to face directly.
• Acceptance. This stage develops gradually. Emotions are often felt most intensely during the first week. Some people may even experience physical or psychological symptoms. The intensity usually decreases during the second week. By the third week, most people are functioning better and beginning to accept the loss.
• Reinvestment in new relationships. This stage varies from person to person. Some refuse to adopt another pet for fear of future heartbreak, a normal reaction that often fades with time until the day comes when the desire for another companion reappears. Everyone moves at their own pace. However, it is not recommended to bring home a new pet immediately after the loss, as comparisons are inevitable and may prevent a fulfilling new bond. Taking the time to grieve is essential. In cases where the relationship with the pet was one of strong emotional dependence, it may be helpful to invest time and energy into other activities and relationships before adopting again.

How should we talk to children about it?

It is best to tell children the truth in simple words they can understand. For many, this may be their first encounter with death, which makes it even more important not to minimize or ignore it, nor to dramatize it. Choose words carefully, avoiding phrases like “Fido went to sleep,” which are misleading and can cause confusion or fear. Instead of saying the cat was “put down,” explain that the doctor helped them pass away peacefully, without pain. Children aged 7 to 10 are generally able to understand.

Never minimize or ridicule a child’s sadness. This is especially important for teenagers, who are often deeply attached to their pets, sometimes finding comfort in them during difficult times. Instead, offer them listening, compassion, and reassurance.

How to cope with euthanasia?

It is important to let go of guilt. Remember that the decision was made out of love, to end your pet’s suffering. It also helps to keep in mind that the procedure is painless. Sedation ensures your pet will not feel stress or discomfort. You can choose whether or not to be present during the euthanasia, this is a personal decision based on your needs and emotional state. However, it is generally not recommended for children to attend.